March 1, 2004

VR: Who is Honey Harlow?
HH: I have never been asked this question before but actually only had to think about the answer for a few minutes. Honey Harlow is a compilation of women from long ago right up thru the present and possibly into the future! I believe that my psyche is a conglomeration from the Victorian age, the roaring 20's, the early 1950's and 60's, the present and even an age that has yet to come. Honey was a girl that has now become a woman and has after many years finally come to terms with herself and the realization that she does indeed have the best of both worlds!

VR: Where are you living these days?
HH: About 6 years ago I was lucky enough to be able to retire at an age when most girls have not even thought about retirement yet. I still have a suite in Las Vegas Nevada that I can go to whenever I like and still have a home in Dallas Texas but for the most part I have built a retirement home in the Ozarks not far from Branson Missouri. Here I can be around mostly gentle wild animals from the surrounding forest that I love dearly instead of the wild and sometimes pushy male animals of the cities and yet I am close enough to Branson to be able to perform there from time to time and close enough to a major airport that I can be in Dallas or Las Vegas within hours.

VR: I know this is a hard question, but can you tell us what your life has been about?
HH: My life started as a struggle when I was born as I was not expected to live from day one and even though my family was not catholic, I was given last rites because the doctors felt that I would not live long enough to obtain a minister of their faith. I then was in a childhood accident that again almost took my life and thru the years there has been other incidents where I have looked death in the eyes and she blinked. I grew up as a little girl but knowing that I was different and what made life difficult was that I had a mother that wanted a girl and a father that wanted a boy. In my eyes of course I was exactly the perfect little child for both of them but instead of that mentality I sensed and received rejection from them both. Growing up I strived to please everyone but when I was almost a teen my grandfather had a stroke and I sat on the floor next to his bed at his side holding his hand while he lay there in a coma. Just before he passed away he came to and squeezed my hand, looked into my eyes and with a tear forming said to me "Honey, I have never left this state or even this county........I want you to know that even though you may be different, I see a beautiful young woman and I want you to go out into the world and see the things that I never saw, do the things that I never did, enjoy the life that I never enjoyed and while doing all of this, always know that I will be with you but remember above all to never compromise your convictions". I lost the strongest male influence of my life that day and have not had a day since that I have not thought of his words.

I remember being very young and going to Lookout Mountain Tennessee and was dumfounded when I saw a water fountain that was labeled for black folks only and I could not understand why. I have read about the middle ages when people were killed because of thier religion and I can not understand why. I have seen news reports of gay people that are murdered simply because they are gay and I ask why and I see a present day society that accepts a woman that dresses as a man but cowers when they see a man dressed as a woman and I ask why......... I think in retrospect my life has been a series of "whys" with no acceptable answers. I have tried my best thru the years to understand just some of those "whys" but I can't. The ONLY answer I can give to those "whys" is IGNORANCE........Pure ignorance on the part of those that see fit to condemn others. I have spent my entire life trying to show others that being "different" is normal because when you get down to the realities of life............each and every one of us is different!

VR: When you were growing up and each morning you would look in the mirror did you feel that was the wrong person looking back at you?
HH: This is a tough question because I didn't so much feel that the "wrong" person was looking back at me but rather I felt that I was not pretty enough! Like most women I think I simply had the want and need to look and feel like the most desirable woman on the face of the earth. Most girls look in the mirror and are concerned with hair, makeup, clothes etc and I was no different in that respect but honestly the main reason I felt different was because when most girls are thinking of boys, I was thinking of other girls and that was one of the main reasons that I felt so terribly different. I have met famous women that have everything this life could offer them such as stunning looks, the perfect husband, wealth and fame and yet I have had discussions with them and they are not happy with who they see when looking in their mirror. History is full of both men and women that were pillars of society and yet they had strong feelings that they were not who they thought they should be - so why should girls like us dwell on not being the person we think we should be....... the solution to this is to simply BE the person that we want to be and that is what I have spent my life doing!

VR: I know you are enjoying life right now but what was it like all those years performing in Las Vegas, did you get to mingle with the other stars in that great city or were you treated differently because of your gender?
HH: I love this question because I have NEVER been treated differently because of my gender or lack of....ha. I learned a very very long time ago to BE YOURSELF and BE TRUTHFUL and most people will understand or at least try to understand. I have performed for people from all walks of life, all religions, all nationalities and all regions and have always been treated with the utmost respect from each and every one of them. I once performed at a birthday party in Ft. Worth Texas for a group of what some would call "goatropers" and yet I am here to say that I was NEVER treated with more respect and love than I was with that group and they all knew that I was different because I told them.

Most girls do not realize that being honest is truly the best policy but there are right and wrong ways of being honest!!!! I have found that most people in life detest being deceived regardless of who is the deceiver. When I was performing full time in Vegas I was fortunate enough to meet more Big Stars than I could ever have dreamed of meeting and although a few of them were what I would call "cool" when I met them, I later found out they were that way with most people as they had egos to match their status. Vegas is a tough city to work in regardless of your gender and many performers have ended their dreams there while others were lucky enough to start their dreams there. I was lucky enough to be successful, make a great living, meet many wonderful people, hobnob with superstars and most important of all gain many lifelong friends.

VR: Honey, you and I, I know, have a lot of the same friends in life, even though we have personally never met (I think you and I did meet once in LA long time ago but not sure), we have however talked for many years now, though the computer. There is one lady that I know for sure is a friend of both of ours and I was wondering if you remember how you two met, that is the world famous Sulka.
HH: Sulka as you know was originally from Dallas Texas so we both had something in common in that I had lived there and had a home there but we actually met in Los Angeles for the first time. I walked into a lingerie store that I heard carried a particular brand of corset that I loved to wear and when walking in the girl behind the counter recognized me from a show that she had seen me in while in Las Vegas and turned to the girl she was chatting with and introduced me to Sulka. She was one of the most gracious and beautiful women I had ever met and while it was I that felt I was in the presence of a superstar...........it was Sulka that made me feel it was her that was in the presence of a superstar. Sulka is truly a Stunning Woman and one of a kind! I consider myself extremely fortunate to be called her friend!

VR: Do you have any stories you can share with us about Sulka
HH: I have stories that I could share about alot of people but anyone that knows me.............knows that I will not repeat things told to me in confidence unless I am told by that person that I can.

VR: Now lets get back to Honey the woman, when you were growing up who was your inspiration?
HH: My grandfather was my first inspiration. He was the one that instilled in me to be truthful and always try to conduct my life with Class and Integrity. The first woman that was my inspiration and the one that I was mesmerized by was Marilyn Monroe followed closely by Jayne Mansfield and Mamie Van Doren who is a Beautiful woman I was able to meet and become friends with.

I was able to meet another great Star from the Silver Screen but I of course don't remember it because I was a baby. When I was about a year old my mother was visiting the Lincoln Park Zoo in Chicago when she came upon a camera crew interviewing Betty Grable and she said that Betty saw her with me and asked to hold me which she did and my mother has photos of Miss Grable holding me and one of her kissing me on the forehead. If only I had been about 20 years older........sigh.

These woman always seemed larger than life and we never saw them as anything other than Hollywood Glamour Girls. About the time I was getting into my late teens Joey Heatherton was a definate inspiration and later in life I was able to meet her and she was everything I knew she had to be.

I think the one Woman that has stayed with me all thru my life though has to be Dolly Parton simply because she came from humble beginnings and I know she did not have it easy for several reasons, one or should I say two of which are obvious. Dolly has always stated that "had she been born a boy - she would have been the worlds biggest Drag Queen" and I believe her. She is certainly a person that has had to overcome snide comments, laughter and people talking behind her back not only about her large breasts but about her makeup, hair, stilletto heels and even her very long nails but she simply held her head up high, made jokes about herself and has lived her life with nothing but Class. I learned from her that it is OK to get up in the morning, look in the mirror and be able to laugh at yourself because then if you hear others laugh you feel they are laughing WITH you and not AT you!!!

VR: Who do you admire these days?
HH: Other than Dolly Parton, my first choice would be Cher. She is absolutely one woman that does what she wants, when she wants and with whom she wants. She once told me "Honey, this is not a dress rehearsal for a second life, so live it to the fullest and live it the way YOU want to as long as you don't physically hurt someone else" and that is what I have always tried to do! I also admire anyone that has CLASS and Integrity which are two little words that so many people have forgotten it seems.

VR: What is your definition of a Woman?
HH: Being a Woman is different from being a Female. If you look at the definition of a Female you will see that it states "being a female is a person capable of producing ova or bearing young while the difinition of a Woman is someone that has a feminine quality or womanliness. Bearing a child is a quality that even not all genetic females are capable of doing so does that mean they are not a female.........I think not! For those of us that are born with both sexes like I was or those that were born with the mind or brain of a woman but the body other than that of a woman ....does that mean you cannot be a woman.......I think not! I have met so many genetic females that I would not consider to be a woman simply because they were vulgar, nasty people and it had nothing to do with the way they were dressed. On the other hand I have met Female Impersonators that were completely straight with wives and children that when dressed were more woman than most simply because of the image they portrayed.

Red Fox once told me a joke that he used in his act that he allowed me to use in mine and I will always remember it.

He said that one night after a gruelling show in Vegas he met an Extremely shapely showgirl and he talked her into going up to his room with him. He opened the door and she walked in knowing full well what he wanted so she started by taking off her very high heels, while he was locking the door behind him. When he turned around she had removed her dress, garterbelt, stockings, jewelry, corset, bra, wig, push-up pads under her boobs, and even her false eyelashes and had thrown everything on the couch and she was lying in the bed completey naked.

He said that he took one look at all of the sexy things on the couch then looked at her on the bed and turned and jumped on the couch!

This story has always rang true for me because I believe that most of us want what we see and not necessarily what we know to be true. I myself have told countless people that I am a transsexual because many do not know what a hermaphrodite is and I have had what I know for a fact to be STRAIGHT Men with families look me up and down and look into my eyes and say "I don't care" because they liked what they see........which goes back to my point that being a woman is something that we all can do if we just want to and try hard enough.

There is also two types of Women.........A regular Woman which I have described and...........A CLASSY Woman!

When I look up the definition of a CLASSY Woman - MY dictionary says: "See Vicki Rene"

VR: What has been your biggest accomplishment?
HH: I think my biggest accomplishment has been being able to help at least one person come to terms with their gender choice! If we could all help just one, this would be a much better world to live in. I think my second biggest accomplishment has been being able to finally come to terms with myself and who I am. I have family members that have led "normal" lives that are in their 50's, 60's and 70's that still are not happy with where they have been or how their lives have been lived and that is sad.

VR: What really makes you happy?
HH: This is an easy one...........I love to make people smile because if you are smiling you can't be sad. Feeding a wild raccoon that has been hurt and has a hard time finding food makes me happy especially when you can almost see the "thank-you" in their eyes.

Another choice would be explaining for the first time in a way that someone can understand, exactly what the difference is between a transsexual, a hermaphrodite, a drag queen or a crossdresser is and knowing that they are really listening and trying to understand makes me happy. There are actually many many things on a daily basis that makes this girl happy!:

VR: What really makes you upset?
HH: Girlfriend, do you have enough space here.....ha. Actually in truth there are only two things that REALLY makes me mad and a couple more that makes me upset. It makes me mad when someone Mistreats an animal, a woman or an elderly person and it makes me upset when I hear people try to cut others down by saying mean things about them when they don't really even know them:

VR: Do you have any pet peeves?
HH: I have had several pets in my life but never a peeve.......giggle*

Joking aside, I think I only have two pet peeves and one of them is ignorance. I have no problem with someone that has a learning dissability because that cannot be helped but I have a huge problem with someone that does not WANT to learn and sadly there are alot of those around.

The second pet peeve I have are those people that see fit to belittle others in the name of religion. I never get into discussions about religion or regligious beliefs because I have my own that are far different than most and I respect others for whatever they believe regardless of what that may be. There are thousands of religions on this wonderful earth of ours and some may seem strange while others are what I call "long-time favorites" and of course there are several that people would like for us all to live by but when you get right down to it religion is a personal and private belief. If you notice I said "belief" because that is what it is! If an American Indian "believes" that a tree is his or her God then who am I do criticize???

We all have had the Zealot tell us that we are going to hell because we live an "abnormal" lifestyle according to his or her bible which in most cases is the "King James Verson" of the Christian Bible, but there are some problems with that. Number one of which it states in that book that no man or woman shall wear clothing of the opposite sex. First, that is an opinon, secondly when that was written men wore "gowns" and thirdly we see women every day dressed in mens clothing but they are supposed to be "normal".....ha.

I think that in truth every human on the face of this earth has an "abnormal lifestyle" and that is simply because there is yet to be defined what is "normal" and much like fingerprints, we are all different! I just wish with all my heart that people could tend to their own lives and leave others alone that they don't agree with. I have yet to find one person that I agree with on each and every subject so should I condemn them because of that??? I think not!!!...............So we as a person should simply ignore those kinds of people and simply be very proud of who we are.

VR: Do you think you are a nice person or do you think you can be a bitch at times?
HH: This is a question I think you would be better off asking friends that know me........ I would hope they would say that I am a nice person but I know there are a few men around and a few Queens that would say there have been times when I have been a bitch.: I think though that I have only been a bitch when it was warrented.

A little tidbit that most people don't know about me is that I have been for many years a 5th degree black belt in karate and I don't turn the other cheek to those that become bitchy with me. In Dallas. TX. I once raised a male off the ground up against a wall with nothing more than my long sharp fingernails under his chin because he struck a woman .............so I guess in those instances ........yes I am a bitch. .

VR: What do you think makes you stand out above others?
HH: I truly don't believe there is anyone that I stand out above. There are those that I am happy to be able to stand alongside and equal to that I call Friend and that is so much more important than even the thought that I am better than anyone or stand above someone................Besides, when you are 5' 4" without heels it is hard to stand above ANYONE....although I have been told my boobs "stand out" beyond others......giggle*.:

VR: Do you get nervous when you are asked to speak to a group or perform on stage?
HH: I always get a little nervous when I go on stage because there is always that doubt that everyone will not like my performance and I have performed all over the world...... but I never get nervous when I speak to a group simply because gender is a topic that I have literally spent my life researching and living. I am passionate about being different and yet being no different than many others.

VR: Have you ever had a true love in life?
HH: Yes

VR: Are you in love now?
HH: Yes

VR: What do you see yourself doing in the future?
HH: Hopefully still breathing........ I would love to travel all over and help people to understand that being gender dysphoric is not a disease no more than being blonde is or being tall. Doctors can display graphs, charts, diagrams and just about everything else that they have at their disposal but unles they themselves are gender challenged, they really cannot explain what it is like. I know we all have said the words "I know what you must be going thru" to someone that has lost a spouse or a pet when in fact we ourselves have never lost a spouse or a pet so just HOW can we know... I see myself explaining to others in a group or one on one if necessary just what it IS like to have the body of one or both sexes and the mind of one or both.

VR: As a transgendered person do you think you have receive proper respect you deserve in life?
HH: This is another really tough question only because I am not sure what "proper" is......... I think that we only deserve respect if we give respect and I see soooo many on a daily basis that try to demand respect but they refuse to give respect untill they receive it and that is just not the way it works. I admire oriental cultures because they give automatic respect to their elders unless the elder discraces them. I feel that we as a group need to learn how to respect others at least untill we give them a chance to understand us. I myself have never ever once asked for or expected respect as a transgendered person but I have always strived for respect as a Woman and thus far have always received it!

VR: How many titles do you hold?
HH: I stopped counting long ago because Trophies and Titles (to me anyway) are worthless. We all know someone that has the title of "CEO" or "President of the Company" and even "President of the United States" which of course is recognized by some as the Ultimate Title and yet you can hold any one of these titles including President but without one simple little word...........they are all worthless and that word is: INTEGRITY.

I can take all of my titles and put 80 cents with them and I can buy a coke at my favorite store but the titles by themselves will buy me nothing.......not even respect! Bob Hope was a man that I admired because he held many many titles and yet you never heard HIM say anything about them because he also did care about titles and yet this man did more for our troops and our country than most. I don't know if John Wayne and others like him were ever anything other than a movie star but he was devoted to this country and could care less about accolades.

Among the many awards and titles I have received over the years, I have but one title I would like to be known by and that is the title of "FRIEND"

VR: What do you think you have to offer the transgender community, anything at all?
HH: I think the most important thing I have to offer the transgendered community is experience, confidence versus ego, and compassion. I would hope that I can also offer proof positive that you do not have to compromise your ideals but rather you can be anything you would like to be in this life IF you are honest about it and live your life with CLASS. I have been an entertainer most of my life and now that I am retired I would like to spend the bulk of the remainder of my life offering my life experience, stories, humor and even sadness to others thru speaking engagements, personal appearances etc.................that is if anyone would be interested in hearing a short busty blonde!

In addition to speaking engagements I have for the first time opened an online store and although it is going to be a little bare at first I will eventually stock this with everything from heels to wigs. I have NEVER endorsed a product or products in my life but after years of seeing others trying to take advantage of the Gender community by purchasing items that I now know the prices of and then inflating those prices 5 - 6 or more times simply because they can really makes me angry so I have decided to let my money and my buying power purchase items that just about any girl might be interested in haveing at an extremely reasonable price. In most cases I will be offereing items at a 10% markup that will barely cover my time and cost of listing. I think it is about time that we as a group take control of our own lives and help one another instead of those that tend to want to take advantage of our needs.

My website has for years and years and still is: http://web2.airmail.net/harlow/ and this will take you to my new store!
You can also get there by going to: http://www.honeyharlow.com/

If there is something that you would like to see me offer..........just email me and ask and I will certainly look into it. I truly want to help. I will also set up a layaway plan for you if you cannot afford something at the moment and that is a word that seems to have gone out of our vocabularies in this day and age. Please don't be afraid to ask me a question. I also think Vickie will attest to the fact that I would NEVER divulge anything that is told to me in confidence.....I am just not that kind of Girl.

VR: Do you have a favorite movie and why?
HH: Without a doubt......"On Golden Pond"..........because I would love to live the twilight years of my life with the love and devotion that was shown in this movie by two incredible movie stars. I also would like to think that I would at that age have the dignity that Katherine Hepburn had all of her life both on and off the screen.

VR: Who is your favorite fiction character(s), in literature or in the movies, and why?
HH: OK, now don't laugh...............Garfield the cat! Garfield is sooo mellow and so cool and Cute.. He would be perfect if only he was a she!

VR: Can you recommend us a motivating or inspirational book. that has changed your perception about the world?
HH: I remember in high school a man named John Howard Griffin came to my school and talked to us about his life and a book about him called "Black like Me" and if ever a human went to extremes to walk a mile in another mans shoes it was he. I was so profoundly impressed that for the first time I just knew there were those that really did try to understand what it was like to be different than the mainstream. I would reccommend this book to everyone!

VR: What words of wisdom would you give a to someone who is reaching out for help?
HH: I would say "Don't despair because this is a big world and there are others out there with EXACTLY the same feelings and there are those of us that do care" I have been so low in my life at times that even stepping into my 5" heels was a step down and just when I thought there was no way up........there was a hand asking for nothing in return except to grab ahold and accept the help. Swallowing pride and accepting help is something we all need to do from time to time and I have done my share of acceptance.

VR: Do you have a final statement, for our readers?
HH: One of my favorite entertainers is Ru Paul and he/she has said many times that being a woman is mainly "attitude" and while I agree with that........Please please remember that the definition of attitude is: A position of the body or manner of carrying oneself: so you don't have to be a bitch to have "attitude" but rather you can be a Classy Glamourous Woman just by the way you carry yourself and with a good attitude! If you come across someone that does not like you simply because of your looks or your gender choice regardless of what you say or do.........don't dispair........just move on because you cannot please everyone so don't try! I have a saying that I live by: "If you like me ........that makes me a happy woman.............if you don't..............NEXT!"

Each day when getting up go to the mirror and ask yourself if you would like to be friends with the girl looking back and if your answer is Yes.............. Be yourself and give others a chance to know the woman you see and they see.

Note from Vicki Rene: Honey Harlow and I have been friends for many many years now. Like I said earlier, we have never met face to face but our paths have crossed many times through mutual friends, and I am proud to say she is not a good friend but a great one and I have never heard a bad word about this woman, in any circle I have been in(try being transgendered and having that said about you).
She is truly in my eyes the classest lady I know and I do hope one day we can sit in either her or my living room and just tell stories to each other, I am sure we have a million of them.